i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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