So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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