ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
