i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
