haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
