where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
