i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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