i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
