aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
