Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
