I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
