I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize