I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
