I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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