she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
