I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
