We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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