Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are we still banned from the library?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
