thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
