OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
