What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
