I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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