an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
