I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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