Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
