I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
