Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
