I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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