dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
