i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
