I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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