but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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