ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
