I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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