Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
