HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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