I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
