They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
