They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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