Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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