You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
