And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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