we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
