everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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