Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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