i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
