you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
