I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize