After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
