You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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