Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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