If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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