oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
These tits shall not be calmed
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
