i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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