There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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