the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
