New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
