The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
