Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
