i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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