just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
