im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
