can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
