so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we're so committed to being not committed
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
