everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
