I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize