he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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