her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
