My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
