My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
