she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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