my room smells like sperm. sweet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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